


Seeking Solace

by Starlight_Daylight



Series: Seeking Solace verse [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 04:53:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6642103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_Daylight/pseuds/Starlight_Daylight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian found out a secret that Kurt has been keeping from him for awhile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeking Solace

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the most personal story I have written before and I hope I did justice to it. This story does have a brief mention of self-harm, nothing graphic but if you are uncomfortable with it, please don't continue reading this story.

“Shhh, it’s okay sweetheart. Everything’s going to be okay,” Sebastian cooed softly, gently rocking the boy that was curled on his lap back and forth, “you don’t have to worry about anything. I’m here sweetheart, I’m here." 

 _He should have known_. That was the first thing that struck Sebastian the minute he saw them. He should have known something was up the moment Kurt slowly started withdrawing himself from everyone, from him. Kurt no longer wore his ‘fuck me’ jeans, opting for sweatpants instead, always sleeping with his shirt on and the sudden obsession with sweaters. The most telltale sign that Sebastian should’ve realized that something was very wrong the moment they haven’t had sex in a month. And Sebastian without sex, that shouldn’t even be a legitimate sentence. Yet it is, now anyways.

There were reasons for every little action Kurt does but he didn’t see it. Or maybe he refused to see it. Anything and everything seemed to be possible now. Sebastian gently stroke Kurt’s hair as the boy slowly calmed down. Cheeks were stained with tears and carefully, Sebastian lifted Kurt shirt, inhaling harshly when he saw streaks of carmine at the side of the boy’s stomach. He felt Kurt stiffen but made no attempts in protesting.  _Old cuts_. Sebastian stopped stroking Kurt’s hair in favour of slowly reaching out to the cuts. 

_One… Two… Three… Four… Five…_

Sebastian’s fingers hovered above the cuts, berating himself for being so stupid, for not knowing his own boyfriend was doing this to himself. Sebastian clenched his fist for a minutes before unclenching them again to reach out for Kurt’s arm, specifically his left arm. 

Instinctively, Kurt protected his left hand, covering it with his right, curling himself tightly into a ball. All attempts to prevent Sebastian from seeing. Kurt could deal with an angry Sebastian, but he definitely could not deal seeing Sebastian’s eyes that looked at him lovingly turn into disgust, repulsion when he sees what he has done to himself.

Understanding the reluctance coming from the former, Sebastian gently gave him reassurance, "it’s okay baby. I’m not going to yell at you or cast judgements on you. I’m your boyfriend and I need to know what’s going on in your life, especially if it’s hurting you. Is that alright?" 

After a few minutes of internal debating, Kurt uncurled himself, allowing Sebastian to grab hold of Kurt’s left hand and turn it so that it was facing palms up.

"Oh, baby,” Sebastian whispered, feeling his heart break into pieces when he saw countless number of red line covering the entire forearm horizontally. The cuts weren’t fresh seeing as none of the cuts were bleeding but they’re not as old as the ones on Kurt’s stomach.

“Why Kurt?” Sebastian asked, voice slightly quivering, not taking his eyes of the cuts, “what made you do such things to yourself?" 

Unable to explain himself, Kurt simply broke down again, sobbing into Sebastian’s shirt, "I didn’t… I didn’t mean to do it Bas." 

Removing his face from Sebastian, Kurt looked up to face the latter, tears still pouring out of his eyes, unknowingly his free hand, that was not being held by Sebastian, was fidgeting continuously, fingers scratching against his palm harshly, trying to break skin. 

"Baby, baby,” Sebastian repeated, grabbing hold of his other arm, “stop, you’re going to hurt yourself." 

"I’d rather hurt myself than hurt you or anybody else!” Kurt suddenly yelled, pulling himself away from Sebastian which was futile due to the strong grip the latter has on him, “I didn’t know what to do anymore!”

“I just have this urge to… to… punish myself every single time for feeling angry, for feeling hurt all the goddamn time, "Kurt spat out as though the said emotion disgust him, "instead of arguing back, fighting back, I find a sense of release by doing… this." 

Kurt stared at the cuts he made on his arm, remembering the frustration he had in him as he made those marks. The urged to yell and scream at every wrongs he had in his life, slowly disappeared each time the blade cut through the skin. He remembered the sense of calmness that overcame him as he watches himself bleed. Only after when he stopped bleeding, when scabs were formed to heal the cuts, Kurt felt utter repulsion in himself for doing such acts. But it was too late, the deed was done and the whole cycle will eventually repeats. All. Over. Again. 

Sebastian carefully watched Kurt as the latter studied his own arms, trapped in his thoughts, slowly removing his grip from Kurt’s wrists. 

"Kurt?” Sebastian softly called out, cupping his boyfriend’s face, making the latter look at him. 

Without another word, Sebastian gently pressed his lips against Kurt’s, before pulling away a few seconds later. Both boys stared into each other’s eyes, not saying anything, not wanting to break whatever moment they are in. Because for the first time in a long time, Sebastian felt as though he can finally see Kurt, Kurt who was so tired of putting up strong face, tired of his shield being up all the time. He could finally see the hurt, the pain, the anguish Kurt was trying to hard to hide for awhile now. 

Sebastian absently stroke Kurt’s cheek with his thumb, deciding to break the eye contact in favour of looking at Kurt’s cuts again. Removing his hands from Kurt’s face, Sebastian reached out for Kurt’s arm again, bringing it closer to his lips before giving each individual cuts a kiss. 

“You’re still beautiful to me Kurt,” he murmured in between kisses, only looking up once he was done with his action, “let me help you Kurt. Would you let me help you sweetheart?" 

Choked up with overwhelming emotions, Kurt felt tears rolling down his cheeks as he nodded his head, giving Sebastian a tight hug. 

"I’m so sorry. I’m a horrible person. I’m so sorry,” Kurt mumbled, burying his face into Sebastian’s shoulder while repeating those same words over and over again.

Sebastian placed his chin on Kurt’s head, pressing a few kisses every once in awhile, whispering words of love to refute the latter’s self-depreciation.  

“We’ll get through this together Kurt,” Sebastian whispered, ”you and me.” 


End file.
